Dad was the 2nd oldest of four boys. Grandpa was in the military and so grandma spent a lot of time raising the kids on her own. Right after World War II.
As the story goes, one day grandma got really angry at dad. Who knows what they were fighting about.
What I do know is that she really lost her grip. Cruel words spewed out of her mouth like the pea soup scene from the movie the Exorcists.
It seems like that would be something that a parent learns from watching their own parents. I think we now understand that she probably had some level of an unaddressed mental illness. On that day she decided to unleash it all on my dad.
Grandma had a really good mom. A loving mom. But, she had been teased as a kid by boys. She apparently didn't "like" boys and certainly didn't like the fact that she was raising four of them on her own. (Needless to say that the three uncles are varying degrees of crazy and always have been. Her parenting messed them up hardcore.)
Somehow dad made it through that relatively unscathed. And here's why...according to my dad.
Dad decided in that moment he'd had about enough of grandma's unkind words. In retrospect, I can see as an adult how that was a big step for a small human.
He simply decided that he had to make a change within himself. In the most enlightened kind of way. He absolutely didn't give in to her drama. Not even a little bit. Dad didn't argue with grandma. Instead, he walked outside and sat under a tree.
He thought about what his mother said. He asked himself if there was any part of it which might be true. Was he truly worthless?
The answer was...no.
As dad explained it in the years which followed, "right then I told myself that she was absolutely wrong about me. From that day on, I would never let it get to me".
Parents get mad. Spouses get mad. Children get mad. A lot of us say words which hurt. A lot of us are on the receiving end of words that hurt - intensely.
When the words come flying at us like a ton of bricks falling down - we have a choice. That's what dad said. Do you really believe it? Or, do you walk away and love yourself enough to go find a spot under a tree?
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